entry 4
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fyii iim gonna get weiird here, pay attentiion two the warniing2 iin the iindex page becau2e ii wont warn iindiiviidually per entry. thii2 ii2 liike, half regular blog half diiary. iim wriitiing here a2 much a2 ii can get away wiith here. miight need two periiodiically ediit or delete thiing2 for when ii go overboard tho 0_0
2ome entriie2 ii liike a lot are hiighliighted. for now they ju2t have an a2terii2k [*] after the tiitle.
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waiit what do you mean iit2 actually over 4000 people vii2iitiing thii2 2iite.
becau2e of thii2 ii added a counter (thii2 one from https://www.counters-free.net) two both the home page of thii2 2ub2iite and thii2 page (the blog) whiich are counted 2eparatelly from each other and the maiin neociitiie2 one two fiigure out how many people are readiing thii2. or at lea2t vii2iitiing.
iit feel2 weiird. how many people 2aw the early iiteratiion2 of the maiin 2iite? all the thiing2 we regret wriitiing down and 2iince deleted? what do tho2e people thiink of u2 now?
eugh. nothiing two about iit now.
once ii get all four entriie2 done iim liinkiing thii2 two the maiin 2iite. 2tiill need two fiigure out how that2 2uppo2ed two work 2o ii miight have two waiit untiil 2omeone el2e ii2 ready wiith theiir2 two.
thii2 2iite ha2 layer2 of acce22 (unle22 you get the diirect liink) for my comfort, the maiin 2iite, the iindex, the home and then you can acce22 the about and the blog of thii2 2ub2iite, iit2 maiinly two weed out people who miight get weiird about me, that2 why the /home doe2nt 2ay that much two. iit2 a "youve been warned" layer two. liike yk ii get weiird here, weiird and raw, 2o ii dont want people who wiill be uncomfortable wiith me or 2ee me a2 le22er for thii2 two 2ee my blog. other people are not really liike that, but 2iince the nature of my wriitiing iin thii2 al2o come2 from thiing2 ii dont feel 2afe 2ayiing iin my daiily liife (or more2o we have been told two not 2ay two people, by people who want two keep u2 2afe) ii want two be more careful. the iindiie web ii2 generally more acceptiing of mental health ii22ue2, whiich ii2 why ii feel 2afe makiing thii2 2iite and already 2tatiing a diiagno2ii2 iim told not two 2hare iin the /home. iig ii ju2t want two 2tay 2afe, iim iin the more paranoiid end here, and iim more 2cared of ableii2m than tran2phobiia iif that 2ay2 2omethiing.
ii liike the a2ynchronou2 nature of blogpo2t2 and comment2, ii can ju2t wriite a bunch of bull2hiit and then ediit iit out or delete iit entiirely. youll never get two 2ee all the embarra2iing over2hariing that almo2t 2aw the liight here lmao. or all the thiing2 ii almo2t commented on 2ociial mediia and then realiized were wrong, not worth iit or are thiing2 ii 2hould keep two my2elf
that2 why we dont 2ay that much onliine anymore, iim 2ayiing here way more than what we typiically allow our2elve2 two 2ay onliine, for example.
well, ii dont thiink ii have anythiing more two add here, bye iig
thii2 ii2 maiinly a te2t entry, ii 2hould probably wriite the2e blog2 iin 2eparate txt fiile for backup but thii2 one wiill be diirectly here.
ii need two be careful wiith the2e type2 of thiing2, iit can get dangerou2 quiickly, over2hariing ii2 dangerou2 and rii2ky. 2peciially wiith our diigiital footpriint 0_0
thii2 2iite, iin general, ha2 gotten two popular two. over 2000 viiew2?? how?? why??? go away. two many eye2 here. ii dont liike the da2hboard feature eiither, ii dont want people 2een my iinternal page2.
but thii2 ii2 liike, the be2t webho2tiing platform. what el2e am ii 2uppo2ed two do? u2e github page2?? 2elf ho2t wiith what money?? yeah
al2o, we wont be joiiniing any webriing2, weve found them two be a biigger re2pon2abiiliity that iit2 worth. thii2 ii2 not the ca2e for mo2t people but weve triied iin our previiou2 2iite2 and ju2t no, not for u2.
dont, dont be weiird about me when ii make thii2 2ub2iite publiic (liink iit iin the maiin 2iite). iim a random per2on on the iinternet, giive me 2ome grace. you cliicked here for a mentally un2table iidiiot, you cliicked here for 2omeone wiith weiird and errorneou2 take2 and changiing opiiniion2, you cliicked here for 2omeone who ha2 a lot two 2ay and tho2e thiing2 wiill be weiird or dii2turbiing or fun or iintere2tiing; thiing2 that miight change your worldviiew or leave you at unea2e que2tiioniing my 2aniity, thiing2 that are 2o uniintere2tiing you miight que2tiion why ii even wrote them down, thiing2 that miight leave you puzzled and confu2ed wiith how 2peciifiic they are.
why diid you cliick here? why are you iin thii2 2iite? wa2 iit curiiou2iity? wa2 iit for morbid intere2t, puttiing me iin viiew two 2ee what ii do next? wa2 iit kiin2hiip? do you fiind me relatable? are you u2iing thii2 for re2earch, two learn new per2pectiive2? diid you ju2t 2tumble upon me and deciided two contiinue? do you fiind me iintere2tiing and want two know more about me?
why do you vii2iit per2onal web2iite2?
eiither way, remember iim per2on, you dont know me and ii dont know you. you only 2ee the facet2 of my2elf that ii let here, you dont know all my per2onal liife. 2o, let2 try two not get para2ociial.
dont worry, ii do the2e thiing2 two. ii al2o get para2ociial about the people who have let them2elve2 two open. ii al2o watch people two 2ee what they do next. ii al2o become iintere2ted iin people who ii form a one-2iided kiin2hip wiith, people who make me feel 2een and le22 alone. ii al2o vii2iit per2onal 2iite2 regularly becau2e iive become iinve2ted. ii al2o get genuiinely iintere2ted iin people ii dont know anythiing about, and want two know what2 goiing on wiith them and the thiing2 they have two 2ay. and ii al2o become para2ociial wiith the people that 2ee me, the people who commented and viiewed when ii u2ed two 2tream, the people that liiked my 2ociial mediia po2t2, alway2 wantiing communiity, two be 2een. iim al2o gettiing a biit para2ociial riight now, addre22iing a random 2tranger who wiill never re2pond two thii2, a random per2on that miight have already 2topped readiing, a random 2tranger who miight not even exii2t. nobody ii2 currently readiing the word2 iim wriitiing, be2iide2 my2elf, but thii2 feel2 liike a one way conver2atiion anyway.
we all ju2t want connectiion, iig.
ii gue22 thii2 ii2 all for now, before ii 2tart gettiing weiirder. ii dont know when iill po2t agaiin, but iill do iit eventually.